Insects flutter up against my window, I don't like the way they look at me.

I haven't posted on here in a while now. Scott and I are doing wonderfully, he makes me more and more happy the longer I get to know him. I've never met anyone who can do to me what he does.

He just fits. Physically, emotionally, mentally, I feel like he just belongs in my life. He's not a stranger passing through, he's not the romanticized "one" everyone talks about. He's Scott, I'm Lofn, and we just love each other. He's my part time lover and full time friend, nothing felt up, just a beautiful friendship that has deepened into something I don't want to go away, and neither does he, at least any time soon.

He doesn't mind that I've been broken, and he's helping me with therapy. I'm on several drugs that scare me a little, and he's been there helping me make sure that I'm not turning into a zombie.

It's not tumultuous like my past relationships have been, we don't have bitter knock down drag out fights. We apologize quickly and try to help each other rather than get in each others way. We're moving slowly in our relationship, not moving in or getting married, at least not until we're stable and fully independent.

So that's enough about that.

School is going well. My English teacher is proud of my writing skills, my public speaking teacher has faith in my diplomacy skills to the point where he'll let me do a speech on teen suicide. My pilates instructor says my elbows hyperextend, whatever that has to do with anything. My math teachers are nice, and doing what they can to help me get through, and my astronomy teachers looks like Billy Joel and doesn't notice the goofy things I put in my reading question answer pages like "Jovian planets are comprised of gas, this is due to the fact that Imhotep is invisible." or "The life of Tycho Brahe is an interesting story, all about how his life got flipped-turned upside down. And I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there,
I'll tell you how he became the prince of a town called Bel Air...".

Our education system at work ladies and gentlemen.

My friend Kindra moved away, and I was pretty miserable, now I've just been lonely, so I told Patrick he needs to spend more time with me. I've been talking to Lonnie more and more, keeping pretty close tabs on how he's been. I find myself missing a lot of friends from my past right now. As much as I wouldn't trade Scott for anything, I miss the commune, I miss Mezamiz, I miss IHOP, and I miss all the friends I made that I moved away from. I'm still having trouble meeting people, and now that Kindra's moved away. It's kinda sad.

So I've become a homebody. My current stupid hobby is moderating an emo message board. Basically bitch slapping retarded 12 year olds and showing 711chaners (who are best described as the "K-Mart" 4chan) who exactly is lord of the internets (me, and the Admin).

711chaner (in my chat room): thos emofags wil buuuuuuuuuuuuurn LOLO!!!11!
Me: Hell yeah! I'm with you man!
711chaner (in a pm): Dude, your anon?? You're with us? COOL! The raid iz tonight @ 11, we're going to start spamming posts with pics of al Gore, get it? Like goring but i's al gor!!!
Me: YEah LOL That's fucking hilarious! Tonight you say?


They provide endless hours of entertainment for me and Admin, especially because they actually STILL think I'm a veteran 4chaner, when I'm really a secret mod.

Wow.. I really don't have a life. Anyway it's about time I smoked and took some meds. I'll have to remember to post more on here. :p


Song that reminds me of Scott:


Be gentle with me
by The boy least likely to

Staring up into the solar system,
All the stars are fixed up in the sky.
I just want to sparkle for a moment
Before I just fizzle out and die.

I'm happy because I'm stupid.
Scared of spiders, scared of flying.
If I wasn't so happy,
I wouldn't be so scared of dying.

So just be gentle with me
(I'm not as young as I was)
And I'll be gentle with you
I'm not as brave as I thought
'Cause my heart gets broken so easily.
So just be gentle, be gentle with me.

Wide awake, waiting like a target
Listening for things I cannot see.
Insects flutter up against my window.
I don't like the way they look at me

i guess I've always needed
To be needed by someone.
It's a comforting feeling
Being under someone's thumb.

So just be gentle with me
(And if I am ever mean)
And I'll be gentle with you
I never mean to be mean
'Cause I want to pick peaches off of a cherry tree.
Just be gentle, be gentle, be gentle,
Be gentle with me.

So just be gentle with me
Trouble is sometimes
And I'll be gentle with you
I just can't switch myself off
When I want to so I never do
Because I'm mental, be gentle, be gentle,
Just be gentle, be gentle, be gentle
And I'll be gentle, be gentle, be gentle,be gentle with you.