Wedding planning has been interesting. I'm having a hard time keeping track of everything, so I think I'll be setting up a wedding blog to keep track of my thoughts, purchases, etc. Hopefully it will help and encourage me to post more often on here.
Not much else is really going on...Alex started injections and is looking absolutely amazing, Aaron (my minister) and his girlfriend Britney ran off to Vegas and got married...My sister is due in four weeks and Nadiya is very healthy. Kevin left for South Korea a few weeks ago and it seriously breaks all of our hearts. Fucking Army splitting up families and shit. Assholes.
Scott's classes got screwed up, but that might not be too bad. Hopefully it will mean he and I can take our trip to Abilene and possibly DC. I really want to meet his father before the wedding (he passed away while Scott was still a teenager from a blood clot in his brain, and he's buried at Arlington cemetery). In Abilene, I mostly want to see the acoustic jams and Mezamiz, for old time's sake. Maybe the spot at Elm Creek I used to hang around when I was feeling lonely. That'd be fitting.
I don't know how I feel about trying to go to my old church. It would certainly help my de-conversion process, but I don't think I'd want to run into anyone. I don't think I mentioned de-conversion yet. I'm reading a lot of ex-christian and ex-ex-gay stuff, and I've been realizing just how much stuff, mostly negative and neutral, the christian faith left in my subconscious. It's helping me feel a lot more confident about my disbelief.
For example, it's nice just to see all of the responses to my leaving the faith all listed on one web page. http://de-conversion.com/2008/03/27/convenient-categories/ followed by the real reasons a lot of people leave. http://de-conversion.com/2008/04/07/inconvenient-categories-the-really-real-reasons-de-cons-left-the-faith/#comment-33996 It just really puts everything in perspective.
So off I go to make my wedding blog. Oh yeah :) I got to ride my scooter!!! :) Now I just need to get it street legal and I'll be riding it everywhere!
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2 comments:
I'm sad to hear you're deconverting, but that's a conversation for another time.
What's more important, is that I feel I should tell you how dangerous going over to Beltway might actually be. I'm sure you heard about the incident with Jose and the JC? It's just a small part of how things have changed. Embittered and resolved to move on, I've left Abilene behind, but I the more time passes by, I think it will never really be just my "past".
I know why you're sad, and I know you won't believe me when I say you shouldn't be. De-converting has been a huge help in my life, and leaving christianity was quite possibly the best decision I ever made. But I think you can agree with this if nothing else. There are beliefs in christian culture that have no basis in the bible or jesus or anything. They get taught by the church, or just kind of believed by some until it's enforced on others. A lot of those things were rattling around in my subconcious, and I didn't want them. I don't want any christian beliefs, and my life is much happier without them, but those weird random christian pop culture ones were the most obnoxious.
If you do decide to bring it up at some point, fine, but know the person I've become. I'm proud to be bisexual and pagan and I'm quite anti-christianity and anti-organized religion (although not anti-christians). I won't be subtle about it if you decide to bring it up.
I should specify about Beltway. If I were to go, I'd go late, sit in the back and leave early, to show Scott what my life used to be like, and to reaffirm my...I guess my non-belief! Honestly, I wouldn't want more than to walk around the building. I don't need to hear a sermon or see anyone, I just want to show Scott, and do some self exploration. I don't think I will though, I don't want to cause trouble, and I know someone would say something.
I heard from my mom about Jose. The Rick thing too, a bit. It's sad, screwed up, and pretty typical. Like I said, I don't see very much good in christianity, and picking on the weaker and smaller is something I've seen a lot in the church. I'm hoping the best for Rick and Jose, but I really do just kind of expect this stuff from christianity.
I'm going to lay down before I say anything offensive :)
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